10. Submissions in fancy typeface. With illustrations and wingdings.
9. Spaghetti-on-the-wall projects where ten unpublished manuscripts are tossed at a hundred editors and as they stick and find homes, the author quickly moves to the next project, spending no amount of time promoting past project so they actually…you know…sell.
8. Authors that do the above. And then bitch at the publisher because their book isn’t selling and no one is making any money.
7. Authors that publish and then fall into the Bermuda Triangle, never to be seen or heard of on this plane of existence again.
6. Authors that think Strunk & White is a circus act.
5. Authors who take their grievances onto the internet four-and-a-half minutes after they occur instead of going to the publisher to see, yanno, if it can be worked out in a civilized manner first.
4. Authors who are armchair graphic designers and know exactly what their covers should look like. If an author feels that strongly, probably self-publishing is the best route. Publishers employ graphic designers for a reason. Let them graphic design.
3. Authors who lie about their credits or embellish their careers to appear more in demand. You’re on the internet. How far do you think you’ll get?
2. Authors who whine like babies with unchanged diapers each time a critic gives them any less than a five-star review.
And the number one thing All Editors Hate:
1. Getting hate mail from an author because of a rejection.
*Bonus nod to the helpful Ms. Moorhouse: Authors who cannot take constructive criticism! We all need to help each other.*